grey walls and dust ‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

' and if i could be who you wanted, 

if i could be who you wanted,

all the time. ' 

jack of all trades, master of none. my mother told me when i was a wee little child, something along the lines of that. 'learn everything', 'know everything so you can decide early' blah blah blah. and i tried to follow; sewing, biking, karate, dance, piano, guitar, crochet, knitting... and

still, i don't know what i want (i know who i want, but that's a story for another day). this teenager thing ends all too quickly, man. and i should pick now, i'm fourteen! if i'm to prove that i actually want the major i like then i should prove all of that, now. is this odd? weird that i'm thinking about university now?? fuck waiting, thinking drives me crazy. recently! one of my homeroom teachers, in a parent teacher meeting, explained pretty much everything that happens and in hindsight its genuinely funny how uncomplicated it all looks. oh, thinking of that made me think of that charlie chaplin quote, 'life is a tragedy in close up, comedy in long shot', and god how that applies!! 

so, in this chaos, i'll just see his cheek in my hand, and feel through me by fate line, head line, heart line the blood meant for my brain slobber over it because even the innards long to touch you. how they must hate the spoiled skin.

or not, haha. because you're somewhere far now. (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

but its not a bad thing. though i don't think i'm dragging your dead weight forward anymore. i refuse to regret you, because i live by the fact that no love, however brief, is wasted. maybe we'll meet again. the stars shall glow wherever you are now.