on the movie blue (2002)

don't watch that yuri from the early 2000s!!! its gonna rot in the back of your mind for days, if not months!!

blue was released in 2002, and directed by hiroshi ando. it has a manga, which released in 1997, and i've yet to read. so
on, i promise myself.

what a quiet movie. i mean, yeah, yeah! of course there's dialogue. just, along with it, a ton of moments in which silence sleeps, and scenes let itself fall into place. waves crashing onto the shore, the hum of the crickets nearby. pencils scratching on paper, the buzzing laughter of children. and the music kind of serves to support the ambiance of the story, rather than show the emotion intended, if you get it (that flute instrument has been stuck in my head for a while. dammit). the picture of two girls sitting aside each other on the sand, one won't look at the other.

that silence means everything by having nothing because it forces you to read into the characters. each twitch of their hand, squint of their eyes, and when they speak, their delivery is all the more important. like, by knowing the story's characters and their stories and lives, you kind of give a shit and, the movie feels like something that's yours. 

ha, anyway, before i continue talking, i think its best if i vaguely give a synopsis... basically, in a small town by the seaside, two girls, kayako and endo, become friends and drift away from everybody else. and they fall in love. or something, they're not friends, or lovers, they're really confused about what the hell is going on. woah, when did that happen?

what do you call it? the tint of the film? whatever it's called, that's a huge factor in, again, making it feel 'personal'?. 

closing thoughts: ah, to be a high school girl scared shitless about their future while battling situationship final boss. blue made my ribcage lack a beating heart and want to die skyrocket at times. i would pause at frames and stare and think, and repeat before i realised how long it'd been, to start up again. oh, and smile. it made me smile, genuinely, for the first time in a while. not out of laughter, or with the goal of performance. softly, lovingly (and the subject of the love had disappeared long ago), and somehow i didn't care that i had an exam the next day, and i was in a dark room in the cold shivering. and the quiet in the movie is gentle and albeit slow but i think that slowness is a necessary evil. beautiful movie, made me feel too many emotions at once, and sad, sad, sad. it captures a lot of things i felt/feel when i was in ambiguous relationships. 

on the night he told me he was moving, i told the boy who was technically my boyfriend at that point that i loved him. he just looked at me and kept muttering to me that i should forget him. but he kissed me.

just like that boy, i don't think i'll ever be able to forget blue. betraying myself like that, i would never let that happen. it's in everything i am and see now. i let that happen.